(Backstory: Slim Thug came out and said some comments about Black women backing black men and people adressed it, one of the comments he made was that Black women have their standards too high)
Some black women in my opinion do have standards that are too high. Emphasis on my opinion, but I will attempt to state my case as clearly as possible. There are many successful black women today, ones who have their own homes, their own cars, doing very well in their careers, etc. These "independent black women" are doing their thing (Clap for them) so why is it that many of these women are still single?
When thinking about this subject, I was reminded of a conversation I had with a friend of mine on AIM about a year ago where the subject of "independent women" a.k.a. "Women who don't need a man" arose.
Her: Look guys need to stop looking for "girls" and start talking to women who don’t NEED man anyway
Me: Psh... Don’t start giving me that independent woman BS ya'll been spittin for almost 10 years, cause let's face it, yeah, while you may have your own, you sure as heck would love a man who would allow you to keep it... I've been looking for woman, the problem is these "independent women" my age have been looking for guys who have everything together, and most of the time aren't willing to give a guy who has a plan and is in the process of getting his self together a chance... so we end up stuck messing with hood rats who are just happy to get a guy bringing in a check every two weeks so she can have some money to get her hair and nails done...
Me: Many Females want a guy who has his life together, when 3/4 of the time, SHE doesn't have her life together... that's not right...
Her: I’m gonna agree with u
Me: ...thank you
Her: That’s definitely true. Cuz my advisor is ALWAYS complaining about not having a man. Now mind u she’s old...like getting to her 40's old and she lives in a townhouse with 2 cars...bmw and Mercedes and she makes 6 figures and she just bought a house yet she expects the guy she meets to be on her level... when in fact all the guys that are "on her level" are married or taken...or with extreme amounts of baggage
Me: Correct...
Her: Which means women certainly have to be realistic. We can’t expect a man to have it ALL right now, but we can expect him to have a PLAN. And that just means women have to be able to not feel like they want to work on that man...but work with him to get to the point where they both need to be in life. Which hopefully leads to success. Unfortunately, theory is different from practice and women just haven’t figured it out yet.
Me: Yeah, I agree with that... I’m glad you owned up to what I said, because a lot of females I speak to fight that belief to no end...
Her: lol yea they are in denial...and I hate to say it but that is why many successful black women are not getting married
Me: Preach...
Any women reading this conversation saying its not true is lying to herself. Think about it. Everyone knows or has met the girl who in college would not date a guy unless he had a car, or a job, ignoring the fact that there is a guy interested in her who is a full time student and doesn’t have it like that. As an HBCU student, I know of females who would rather date a dude who had a job and not in school than date a guy in school working towards a career. And I’m sure I’m not the only one. If you want to be independent like you claim, what’s wrong with you having your own car and getting around as you please? What’s wrong with you taking a guy out on a date?
You should never expect more out of your partner in a relationship than he can expect out of you, or that you can expect out of yourself (#MESSAGE)
So with all that being said, I believe it is fair to say that many black young black women do have “out of wack” standards when it comes to the men they are choosing to be with. No I am not saying that women should settle. I am not saying there is something wrong with having a standard. What I am saying is that some women need to humble themselves and give the guy who has potential a chance. And furthermore, in the times we live in, how is it fair for any woman to expect a man to bring more than a table than she is willing to?
~ The U.R.G.
