This is a poem I wrote a year ago at the moment my grandmother passed. I've been thinking about her lately, so I went back and gave it a view and thought I'd blog about it. I still need to work on some things. That apparent from me reading this and seeing where I was this time a year ago.
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“6:15pm, 3/11/09”
At 6:15 pm, 3/11/09, an epiphany came onto my soul unlike one I’ve ever felt before. So hard was I hit that as soon as the news hit my ears and sense was made in my brain, my tears began to rain uncontrollably. It felt as if a thought provoking spirit had come down from the heavens and punched me in my soul’s heart, the one where my emotions lay.
At 6:15 pm, 3/11/09, I gained wind of the passing of my grandmother. As I type this even my hands begin to quake at the realization that this is not a nightmare I can wake up from. From 2 to 1 is something I’m still trying to grasp, when you’ve always had two of something it’s hard to acknowledge one has passed.
At 6:15 pm, 3/11/09, I became mad, not at the fact she was gone home after 8+ decades of living, Or that seeing her lay in the hospital bed was the most helpless she’s been. Or that the fight within her feisty self had come to an end due to the stroke that left her left side paralyzed and cold… I became mad thinking of the selfish behavior I showed as a 16-20 year old.
At 6:15 pm, 3/11/09, I began to think of how less than often I made the effort to call my family elders because of me not making the time. How little time I spent hearing stories about their childhood and upbringing, not realizing I could gain understanding of mine. Not sitting down talking and laughing with them on the days I felt I had nothing to do. But worst of all, I realized how selfish I am, because the things I am privileged to do now are the bounty of their strained hearts and hands.
At 6:15 pm, 3/11/09, I had a learning experience. Knowing now to not take for granted those who are still here. Because as much as it hurts to say, everyone’s time draws nearer. And let’s be clear, selfishly, I wish she was still here. I do realize the call home of God is stronger than mine, and I am appreciative of the times I do remember, and this lesson to not take for granted my loved ones she left behind.
R.I.P. Grandma Lethia Mewborn
